Google

So I typed in "appropriate" in Google and, since that's how I was feeling, I used the "I'm feeling lucky" function.


GGL 1
NYM 0 F

Goodnight

My Brother and I were at the last game at Yankee Stadium last Sunday. It was quite the spectacle, this time entirely unrelated to anything of my doing. We got to the stadium around 2pm or so because we had heard they were opening up Monument Park early and then letting people walk around the field. Awesome.

So after buying 3 programs- one for each of us and an extra for the old man-we tried to make our way to Monument Park. We passed another vendor selling programs and there were like 50 people going nuts taking pictures. What's so special about this hump? Oh I see, he's selling a program to a small, black man wearing funny glasses and a hat he appears to have designed himself . More on that later.

Anyway, Monument Park and the walking on the field was supposed to be open from 1-4 and then shut down so the teams could take BP. For reasons passing understanding, however, it was shut down at 2:30 and we did not get a chance to get on the field. Bummer.

Once in the stadium, we could not leave so we went to our seats: Section 33, Row U, seats 1 an 2. Translation: all the way the fuck up in right field. Things did not seem to be going well. Little did we know, our fortunes were about to change.

That's right MFers. None other than Mr. October himself, Reg-gie Jackson sauntered up to our section. (Full disclosure: our seats were about 10 rows up from where they wound up setting up shop. I told you we were way the fuck up there.)Following him, filming what I am assuming will be a documentary in re: Yankee Stadium, is non other than Spike Lee, noted overrated filmmaker and hat entrepreneur. Also pictured: overall nice guy and acting powerhouse Val Kilmer's back of head. Spike wanted to take Reggie up to where he hit some of his more memorable homerun. Reggie said, "I can't believe I actually hit a ball this high."

Oh Reggie, you modest SOB. I actually shook hands with Reggie and Kilmer, which was pretty cool. I told Kilmer that I loved Tombstone (which is totally true, he is fucking awesome in that film). I think I was the only one to realize it was actually Val which, to be fair, is not surprising at Yankee Stadium when you are rolling with Reggie and Spike. I met them, we are now on a first name basis. Deal with it.

So that was pretty cool. Instead of checking out monuments to Yankee Legends, we actually met one. Not bad. After that, we sat around for 4 hours. Seriously. We watched the Yanks work out and take BP. Again, we were so high up, not even the previously enhanced arms of Jason Giambi could provide us with a souvenir. Ah well.

Then the Yankee pomp and circumstance began. All the Yankee ghosts were out in full force that night. Portrayed by real people. Obviously.

That's Babe Ruth, waving to the fans. I think. So high up. Literally 3 rows from the top. But I digress. Babe! How bout showing a little love to the fans behind you, man?

So yeah, that was...interesting. Kind of cool I guess. Whatever. The only bummer was that we could not see the video screen from where we were sitting so we could not see some of the great moments and players featured. Like, say, Don Mattingly sending the stadium into hysterics with his playoff home run against Seattle in '95.
Don Mattingly homers for the Yankees Game 1 of the 1995 ALDS

I still get chills.

Back to the game. It was a good one. The Yankees won and Captain Jeter gave a pretty good speech at the end of the game. They then did a lap around the stadium, which was cool. The police were out on full force, horses and all.

No Wade Boggses were harmed in the filming of this scene. After running onto the field,

one dummy-o fan was, however.

So that was the day/night. It was a long one, but all in all, it was pretty solid.

Oh, Hello.

Greetings once again, electronic acquaintances. It has been a while, but luckily, I have just been given loads of free time. I am...ecstatic.

Anyway, lots of things going on in the world these days. Most importantly, as I am sure all you financial whackos are aware, the Yankees have completely shit the bed and the Mets are not that far behind. What the fuck is going on in the world?

First lets deal with the Mets because they are less complicated. They're just not that good. They have 3 more wins than the Yanks and are still in the hunt for not only the wild card but their own division. Jesus.

OK, the Yankees. They are also not that good. The offense has been atrocious. Pete Abraham, a solid Yankee beat writer and friend to blogs and sabre's, had a pretty interesting take:

Jorge Posada, Jose Molina and Wil Nieves were 202 of 633 (.319) in 2007 with 21 homers, 106 runs and 107 RBI.

Posada, Molina, Pudge Rodriguez and Chad Moeller are 137 of 590 (.232) in 2008 with eight homers, 68 runs scored and 48 RBI.

Toss in the shockingly bad season of Robinson Cano and it pretty much explains it.

Cano in 2007: .306, 19 homers, 93 runs scored, 97 RBI.

Cano in 2008: .258, 13 homers, 60 runs scored, 61 RBI.

Two positions produced 71 fewer runs and 95 fewer RBI than the previous season

Now to be fair, a lot of guys on the team had career years last year. Arod, Jorge and Cano were probably the most notable. Fans could not reasonably expect to get numbers like last year again. However, fans could also not expect Jorge to miss essentially the entire season and for Cano to play like I did in 6th grade. Melky's regression to the mean also hurt. In sum: they were due to score less runs than last year, but not like this. (Also, they have gotten way more out of Jason Giambi than anyone thought they would. So, there must be some more significant factor for the Yankee demise.)

There is, however, a more significant factor for the Yankee demise, as far as I am concerned, and it has nothing to do with the Yankees.

This fucking bespectacled asshole's team. OK, first things first, what's with the fucking glasses, Joe? Is this what mid-life crises are these days? Guys don't get ferraris, they get these fucking black-rimmed glasses? Fuck you, dude.

On to more serious matters. The Tampa Bay [Devil] Rays rapid ascent has absolutely fucked my entire universe. Baseball fans with a pulse knew that the Rays were not as bad as advertised, but this...this was out of left field. They have had a relatively solid offensive team for several years now. They just never had pitching. Then, Kazmir stays healthy. They dupe Minnesota into taking Delmon Young in return for Garza (how often does that happen?) And then they shore up the bullpen. Baseball fans blink and...what the fuck!? Tampa is in first?

If we were not in the bizarro universe this year, people would probably still be asking "what is the fucking deal with the yanks?" However, they would be 9 games behind boston in the division and 2 games out of the wildcard behind the Twins. But, now that people are no longer asking "are the Rays ever going to win a game?" the rest of the League is feeling the pinch.

At least I have the jets.

Billy Joel Concert Review 7/18/08 Closing Out Shea

Good Morning Snitches:

Tony Bennett. Garth Brooks (New York Mets Superfan and former Spring Training invitee). Roger Daultry of the Who. Steven Tyler. Paul McCartney.

He opened with Miami 2017 (for the best live performance ever, type in "Miami 2017" into YouTube and go to the Concert for New York City link). Ended with "Let it Be" feat Paul McCartney. Steven Tyler did "Walk This Way". Tony Bennett, of course, did New York State of Mind. Garth Brooks did some decent country song and I forgot who Who song R.D. rocked with Joel.

Best concert I've ever been to. Bar none.

Anyway, its time for my Fire Department physical, I really hope I pass!

A little re-introduction and an open invitation to the Dr. Licktapeen Freedom Festival

Its been a while folks and I know how bad it has been for you, but it was for your own good and only makes you realize how much you love This Kid Mongo, so thank me later. But allow me to re-introduce myself to the readership. People call me the Rust man. I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Dairy King, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Brolin and my right one is Father Sean Donovan. You ladies play your cards right and you just might get to meet the whole gang. But for now let me do what I really came here to do.

Im gonna lay a little history lesson down on you folks like a classic episode of Welcome Back, Kotter. Now sit up straight and pay attention....There was a time, a time before now. When the local resident doctor reigned supreme. When people believed everything the good doctor said. This was an age when only men were allowed to be doctors. And in Garden City, one physician was more man then the rest. His name was Lenny Licktapeen. He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals. His waiting room smelled of rich mahogany. He had an examination technique that could make a wolverine purr and labcoats so fine they made Clooney and McDreamy look like hobos. In other words, Lenny Licktapeen was the balls.

Well I'm here to tell you that this modern day Jonas Salk is back baby. And thanks to tort reform and the current presidential administration, as well as some other factors...he is ready to practice his love with all the beautiful lady patients of the world. So consider this notice guys and dolls. And happy hunting Doc. Enjoy the house calls!

Me, Myself and Irene

Well folks, there have been some fascinating developments in my life the past few days. If you saw the movie Me, Myself and Irene, you may remember the part where his wife left him for the midget, and the color of his sons' skin. Lets just say it was similar to that, sans the children and marriage (thank you baby Jesus, as that might've happened before terribly long, with the aforementioned events unknown to me save for my finding out randomnly via espionage).

Now, I'm in the process of recovery, which might include doing some examinations of new female patients. If you know a girl with loose morals, who would be interested in dating a medical doctor who is held in high regard in his field, please contact me immediately. I will be attempting in good faith to wet my whistle without assistance, but your assistance will be greatly appreciated.

I was thinking how much it is going to suck moving home with my parents, but then I realized that the legendary wedding-crashing guru from Wedding Crashers played by Will Farrell still lived at home, and I'm assuming his character was a lot older than mine, and he had a hot chick. Plus, meatloaf is fucking awesome and his mom was making it for him (she took forever though).

In the coming months, I will be attempting to sculpt my body into the image of a Greek God, and I started the process of that a few months ago. Now, I'm happy to say that I'm less of a quivering mound of love pudding and have done some good work increasing my overall level of jack-sticity. I heard chicks prefer that to a quivering mound of love pudding.

I've been thinking about my past sexual encounters and in a way being single is very exciting. I mean, I've done some crazy shit, mostly during college, med school and during my residency, and I'm kind of excited to experience it again once every couple of months (I'm guessing that will be the frequency). Every once in a while, something so crazy happens that you have to tell all your friends. Like "butt-erfingers" in college, but that is another story for another day.

I promise my loyal readership one thing and one thing only: when I am out on the prowl, I will aim for the stars, but I will NOT hesitate to do what is necessary to get a thorough knob-polishing, because I'm awesome like that. One of my teachers at med school once said "any port in a storm", which didn't make a lot of sense because I'm not an avid boater. Then it dawned on me, the dog was the storm, and industry, now that was a revolution.

I will of course keep you updated,

Sleepless in Garden City

Don't tell me, fellow reader, you are one of these...

Let me preface this by saying I apologize for the recent lack of updates. With work blowing up (how about billing 50 hours from Fri morning to Sunday evening - and 16 hours each from Wed, Thurs, and tonight, Tuesday) it's been crazy. Add that to the fact that my significant other may very well lose her job in the next 2 weeks and its been a bit hectic.

So anyway, this new poll says that public opinion has generally shifted with regard to our energy crisis; far more liberals, and younger people (that includes you, dear reader) are leaning towards drilling, rather than conservation/alternative energy, as the solution to the energy crisis going on. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25482959/

Seriously?!?! Come on people, WTF are you thinking? People think that by drilling and drilling, ruining our environment and other protected natural resources, it will save us a few pennies in gas? I'm surprised that liberals and young people have shifted; frankly, you would think they know that drilling won't change prices much, and even so, we won't see an effect for 10 or so years. I think that we're getting misguided here.

I don't want to frame the presidential debate as drilling v. conservation, but it looks like its heading that way. Sure, we have some traitors - i mean "patriots" - within the Democratic party...but, I'm shocked that people actually think drilling is the answer.

Wow....


back to work for me...enjoy ladies