This kid, Mongo

Google

2008-09-28T22:04:00.004-04:00

So I typed in "appropriate" in Google and, since that's how I was feeling, I used the "I'm feeling lucky" function.

GGL 1
NYM 0 F

Goodnight

2008-09-27T12:41:00.008-04:00

My Brother and I were at the last game at Yankee Stadium last Sunday. It was quite the spectacle, this time entirely unrelated to anything of my doing. We got to the stadium around 2pm or so because we had heard they were opening up Monument Park early and then letting people walk around the field. Awesome.

So after buying 3 programs- one for each of us and an extra for the old man-we tried to make our way to Monument Park. We passed another vendor selling programs and there were like 50 people going nuts taking pictures. What's so special about this hump? Oh I see, he's selling a program to a small, black man wearing funny glasses and a hat he appears to have designed himself . More on that later.

Anyway, Monument Park and the walking on the field was supposed to be open from 1-4 and then shut down so the teams could take BP. For reasons passing understanding, however, it was shut down at 2:30 and we did not get a chance to get on the field. Bummer.

Once in the stadium, we could not leave so we went to our seats: Section 33, Row U, seats 1 an 2. Translation: all the way the fuck up in right field. Things did not seem to be going well. Little did we know, our fortunes were about to change.

That's right MFers. None other than Mr. October himself, Reg-gie Jackson sauntered up to our section. (Full disclosure: our seats were about 10 rows up from where they wound up setting up shop. I told you we were way the fuck up there.)Following him, filming what I am assuming will be a documentary in re: Yankee Stadium, is non other than Spike Lee, noted overrated filmmaker and hat entrepreneur. Also pictured: overall nice guy and acting powerhouse Val Kilmer's back of head. Spike wanted to take Reggie up to where he hit some of his more memorable homerun. Reggie said, "I can't believe I actually hit a ball this high."

Oh Reggie, you modest SOB. I actually shook hands with Reggie and Kilmer, which was pretty cool. I told Kilmer that I loved Tombstone (which is totally true, he is fucking awesome in that film). I think I was the only one to realize it was actually Val which, to be fair, is not surprising at Yankee Stadium when you are rolling with Reggie and Spike. I met them, we are now on a first name basis. Deal with it.

So that was pretty cool. Instead of checking out monuments to Yankee Legends, we actually met one. Not bad. After that, we sat around for 4 hours. Seriously. We watched the Yanks work out and take BP. Again, we were so high up, not even the previously enhanced arms of Jason Giambi could provide us with a souvenir. Ah well.

Then the Yankee pomp and circumstance began. All the Yankee ghosts were out in full force that night. Portrayed by real people. Obviously.

That's Babe Ruth, waving to the fans. I think. So high up. Literally 3 rows from the top. But I digress. Babe! How bout showing a little love to the fans behind you, man?

So yeah, that was...interesting. Kind of cool I guess. Whatever. The only bummer was that we could not see the video screen from where we were sitting so we could not see some of the great moments and players featured. Like, say, Don Mattingly sending the stadium into hysterics with his playoff home run against Seattle in '95.
Don Mattingly homers for the Yankees Game 1 of the 1995 ALDS

I still get chills.

Back to the game. It was a good one. The Yankees won and Captain Jeter gave a pretty good speech at the end of the game. They then did a lap around the stadium, which was cool. The police were out on full force, horses and all.

No Wade Boggses were harmed in the filming of this scene. After running onto the field,

one dummy-o fan was, however.

So that was the day/night. It was a long one, but all in all, it was pretty solid.

Oh, Hello.

2008-09-17T13:04:00.004-04:00

Greetings once again, electronic acquaintances. It has been a while, but luckily, I have just been given loads of free time. I am...ecstatic.

Anyway, lots of things going on in the world these days. Most importantly, as I am sure all you financial whackos are aware, the Yankees have completely shit the bed and the Mets are not that far behind. What the fuck is going on in the world?

First lets deal with the Mets because they are less complicated. They're just not that good. They have 3 more wins than the Yanks and are still in the hunt for not only the wild card but their own division. Jesus.

OK, the Yankees. They are also not that good. The offense has been atrocious. Pete Abraham, a solid Yankee beat writer and friend to blogs and sabre's, had a pretty interesting take:

Jorge Posada, Jose Molina and Wil Nieves were 202 of 633 (.319) in 2007 with 21 homers, 106 runs and 107 RBI.

Posada, Molina, Pudge Rodriguez and Chad Moeller are 137 of 590 (.232) in 2008 with eight homers, 68 runs scored and 48 RBI.

Toss in the shockingly bad season of Robinson Cano and it pretty much explains it.

Cano in 2007: .306, 19 homers, 93 runs scored, 97 RBI.

Cano in 2008: .258, 13 homers, 60 runs scored, 61 RBI.

Two positions produced 71 fewer runs and 95 fewer RBI than the previous season

Now to be fair, a lot of guys on the team had career years last year. Arod, Jorge and Cano were probably the most notable. Fans could not reasonably expect to get numbers like last year again. However, fans could also not expect Jorge to miss essentially the entire season and for Cano to play like I did in 6th grade. Melky's regression to the mean also hurt. In sum: they were due to score less runs than last year, but not like this. (Also, they have gotten way more out of Jason Giambi than anyone thought they would. So, there must be some more significant factor for the Yankee demise.)

There is, however, a more significant factor for the Yankee demise, as far as I am concerned, and it has nothing to do with the Yankees.

This fucking bespectacled asshole's team. OK, first things first, what's with the fucking glasses, Joe? Is this what mid-life crises are these days? Guys don't get ferraris, they get these fucking black-rimmed glasses? Fuck you, dude.

On to more serious matters. The Tampa Bay [Devil] Rays rapid ascent has absolutely fucked my entire universe. Baseball fans with a pulse knew that the Rays were not as bad as advertised, but this...this was out of left field. They have had a relatively solid offensive team for several years now. They just never had pitching. Then, Kazmir stays healthy. They dupe Minnesota into taking Delmon Young in return for Garza (how often does that happen?) And then they shore up the bullpen. Baseball fans blink and...what the fuck!? Tampa is in first?

If we were not in the bizarro universe this year, people would probably still be asking "what is the fucking deal with the yanks?" However, they would be 9 games behind boston in the division and 2 games out of the wildcard behind the Twins. But, now that people are no longer asking "are the Rays ever going to win a game?" the rest of the League is feeling the pinch.

At least I have the jets.

Billy Joel Concert Review 7/18/08 Closing Out Shea

2008-07-19T07:24:00.002-04:00

Good Morning Snitches:

Tony Bennett. Garth Brooks (New York Mets Superfan and former Spring Training invitee). Roger Daultry of the Who. Steven Tyler. Paul McCartney.

He opened with Miami 2017 (for the best live performance ever, type in "Miami 2017" into YouTube and go to the Concert for New York City link). Ended with "Let it Be" feat Paul McCartney. Steven Tyler did "Walk This Way". Tony Bennett, of course, did New York State of Mind. Garth Brooks did some decent country song and I forgot who Who song R.D. rocked with Joel.

Best concert I've ever been to. Bar none.

Anyway, its time for my Fire Department physical, I really hope I pass!

A little re-introduction and an open invitation to the Dr. Licktapeen Freedom Festival

2008-07-18T10:45:00.002-04:00

Its been a while folks and I know how bad it has been for you, but it was for your own good and only makes you realize how much you love This Kid Mongo, so thank me later. But allow me to re-introduce myself to the readership. People call me the Rust man. I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Dairy King, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Brolin and my right one is Father Sean Donovan. You ladies play your cards right and you just might get to meet the whole gang. But for now let me do what I really came here to do.

Im gonna lay a little history lesson down on you folks like a classic episode of Welcome Back, Kotter. Now sit up straight and pay attention....There was a time, a time before now. When the local resident doctor reigned supreme. When people believed everything the good doctor said. This was an age when only men were allowed to be doctors. And in Garden City, one physician was more man then the rest. His name was Lenny Licktapeen. He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals. His waiting room smelled of rich mahogany. He had an examination technique that could make a wolverine purr and labcoats so fine they made Clooney and McDreamy look like hobos. In other words, Lenny Licktapeen was the balls.

Well I'm here to tell you that this modern day Jonas Salk is back baby. And thanks to tort reform and the current presidential administration, as well as some other factors...he is ready to practice his love with all the beautiful lady patients of the world. So consider this notice guys and dolls. And happy hunting Doc. Enjoy the house calls!

Me, Myself and Irene

2008-07-17T16:40:00.002-04:00

Well folks, there have been some fascinating developments in my life the past few days. If you saw the movie Me, Myself and Irene, you may remember the part where his wife left him for the midget, and the color of his sons' skin. Lets just say it was similar to that, sans the children and marriage (thank you baby Jesus, as that might've happened before terribly long, with the aforementioned events unknown to me save for my finding out randomnly via espionage).

Now, I'm in the process of recovery, which might include doing some examinations of new female patients. If you know a girl with loose morals, who would be interested in dating a medical doctor who is held in high regard in his field, please contact me immediately. I will be attempting in good faith to wet my whistle without assistance, but your assistance will be greatly appreciated.

I was thinking how much it is going to suck moving home with my parents, but then I realized that the legendary wedding-crashing guru from Wedding Crashers played by Will Farrell still lived at home, and I'm assuming his character was a lot older than mine, and he had a hot chick. Plus, meatloaf is fucking awesome and his mom was making it for him (she took forever though).

In the coming months, I will be attempting to sculpt my body into the image of a Greek God, and I started the process of that a few months ago. Now, I'm happy to say that I'm less of a quivering mound of love pudding and have done some good work increasing my overall level of jack-sticity. I heard chicks prefer that to a quivering mound of love pudding.

I've been thinking about my past sexual encounters and in a way being single is very exciting. I mean, I've done some crazy shit, mostly during college, med school and during my residency, and I'm kind of excited to experience it again once every couple of months (I'm guessing that will be the frequency). Every once in a while, something so crazy happens that you have to tell all your friends. Like "butt-erfingers" in college, but that is another story for another day.

I promise my loyal readership one thing and one thing only: when I am out on the prowl, I will aim for the stars, but I will NOT hesitate to do what is necessary to get a thorough knob-polishing, because I'm awesome like that. One of my teachers at med school once said "any port in a storm", which didn't make a lot of sense because I'm not an avid boater. Then it dawned on me, the dog was the storm, and industry, now that was a revolution.

I will of course keep you updated,

Sleepless in Garden City

Don't tell me, fellow reader, you are one of these...

2008-07-01T19:22:00.002-04:00

Let me preface this by saying I apologize for the recent lack of updates. With work blowing up (how about billing 50 hours from Fri morning to Sunday evening - and 16 hours each from Wed, Thurs, and tonight, Tuesday) it's been crazy. Add that to the fact that my significant other may very well lose her job in the next 2 weeks and its been a bit hectic.

So anyway, this new poll says that public opinion has generally shifted with regard to our energy crisis; far more liberals, and younger people (that includes you, dear reader) are leaning towards drilling, rather than conservation/alternative energy, as the solution to the energy crisis going on. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25482959/

Seriously?!?! Come on people, WTF are you thinking? People think that by drilling and drilling, ruining our environment and other protected natural resources, it will save us a few pennies in gas? I'm surprised that liberals and young people have shifted; frankly, you would think they know that drilling won't change prices much, and even so, we won't see an effect for 10 or so years. I think that we're getting misguided here.

I don't want to frame the presidential debate as drilling v. conservation, but it looks like its heading that way. Sure, we have some traitors - i mean "patriots" - within the Democratic party...but, I'm shocked that people actually think drilling is the answer.

Wow....

back to work for me...enjoy ladies

The Morning News & Weekend Ahead

2008-06-20T10:24:00.002-04:00

TGIF...this has been the longest week in quite some time. But alas it is finally coming to an end, so here is a quick wrap up of the morning news and important information for the weekend ahead...

1. Apparently John Edwards and Al Gore have made the short list of possible VP's on the Obama ticket. I think both men are great people and should be respected politicians, but I don't know if they would be better choices for Obama than my current favorites Gen. Wes Clark, Jim Webb and Chuck Hagle. It shall be interesting and I hope he doesn't wait too much longer before making a decision. We need to get this gravy train moving.

2. And speaking of politics and news, exactly one week ago today Tim Russert passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I watched a lot of the coverage over the past week, including the very first Meet the Press without him, moderator's chair left empty, on Sunday morning. It was very sad and he definitely seemed to be a very well respected and cared for guy by everyone around him. I'm sure this Sunday will be very strange as well.

3. The Chicago Bears have signed their current defensive tackle and former OU alum Tommie Harris to a four-year extension through 2012 worth about $40 million, including $18 million in guarantees and $27 million over three years. This extension deal makes Harris the highest paid defensive tackle in NFL history, and the contract is the richest in team history. Score one for the Sooners!

4. In other good news, over rated pitcher and all around douchebag Curt Schilling is going to have surgery which Douche McGouche, sorry, Curt Schilling, himself says may end his career.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out assbag.

5. I heard on ESPN this morning that some people are predicting a Cubs/Devil Rays world series. Things that make you go hmmmm.

6. And last but certainly not least...THE BIG MATCH IS FINALLY HAPPENING! Yes, that's right. The big tennis match between Bruce and our resident physician's lady friend Hermione, will be occurring at 2pm on Saturday! Be there to witness battle of the sexes history and me claiming my dinner from the good doctor.

That's all folks, have a great weekend, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Do It Up America

2008-06-14T15:18:00.003-04:00

Apparently in a fit of patriotism, my middle school band teacher created something ... something beautiful. It has since become a YouTube sensation; now everyone is singing ... DO IT UP AMERICA!

Funniest. Video. Ever.

2008-06-09T13:20:00.003-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_2IZT4VgDY

Funniest. Video. Ever.

2008-06-09T13:20:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_2IZT4VgDY

Oh yeah, Reilly...?

2008-06-09T10:58:00.005-04:00

So, anonymous internet friends, How was your weekend? Mine was pretty good, thanks. I went to the Yankee game Friday night. they lost, but it was their only loss over the weekend, so that's cool. Normally, I take Mrs. Don't-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac to the games. She is a great sport and always at least pretends she is enjoying herself. This Friday, however, I took my brother. We had beers and bonded etc. etc. etc.

The game was not really the most entertaining part of the night, however. At least for the people in my section. Here is just a little foreshadowing, if you will, of how the night transpired. It may be confusing, but like Pulp Fiction, if you stick around for the whole show, you'll see what I mean.

Halfway through the game, some poor sap and his girlfriend decided to sit in the seats behind us because "the heights are really bothering her..." Ok. Fine. No one was sitting there anyway. I'd do the same thing too, except I'd do it because I'd want to get closer to the action not because I've got fucking vertigo.

Anyway, so that was relatively uninteresting. But then it happened:

"these seats suck, too"
"Ugh, I hate these seats"
"why couldn't you get us better seats"
"[insert whatever fucking pain in the ass typical girlfriend thing you can think of and this bitch will top it with her hands tied behind her back]"

The poor guy is just taking it. Having his balls removed in front of 54,000 people. I felt bad for him, but I also felt great about myself and Mrs. Don't-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac. So, I decided to write her a text message to convey this thought I had.

Actual text message: This guys gf behind me is such a bitch. You are the best.

(actually, thats not the actual text message because I have a blackberry, and the BB is a wonderful machine with many excellent features and functions including, but not limited to automatically formatting things such as an apostrophe to indicate the gf belonging to "this guy"- a point that is, as I am sure you have figured out, debatable.)

If you read the parenthetical, you may have an idea of where this is going. If not, heres a hint:

Fast forward a few innings. And a few beers. Sugar and Spice and everything nice is walking back up to her seat and as she is approaching, leans in, bumps my shoulder and hits me in the head with her bag. The subsequent conversation took place:

DFWYCFCM: What the fuck was that?

Insanebitchygirlfriendofpoorschmuck: Oh, I'm sorry. Was that bitchy of me?

DFWYCFCM: [turns to poor schmuck] Dude, what the fuck?

Poorschmuck: Maybe you shouldn't be writing texts about people who are sitting right behind you...

DFWYCFCM: [to himself] woops.

IBGFOPS: asshole

OK. So. A few things, here. First: I had kind of a George Costanza-Jerk Store moment. I froze after that. I didn't say anything because, well, I felt kind of bad. But then, the more I thought about it, I had several thoughts:

1. What the fuck are you two assholes doing reading my phone?
2. Sit in your own seats, losers.
3. Was hitting me in the face with your bag an attempt to disprove my text?

I unfortunately, did not say anything along those lines right after the altercation. I waited for my moment: the end of the game. I'll look this guy right in the face and tell him what a fucking dickhead he is and to ask his girlfriend for his fucking testicles back. My jerkstore moment.

I did not tell the guy to ask for his balls back.
I did however, poke the guy in his chest as he walked by and said the following:

The sad thing about you, pal, is you know I'm right.

And he does.

And I bet the following two things have or will happen:
1. He thought of something clever to come back with as he was walking out of the stadium.

2. He will break up with his girlfriend within 2 months.

J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS ANALYSIS

2008-06-03T17:16:00.002-04:00

So I had to cut out of work a little early to meet the cable guy at my apartment, so I (per usual) checked out my favorite JETS website, The Jets Blog, at www.thejetsblog.com. I'm kind of known as the pessimist on that site, because (I think) I'm more realistic and don't allow my fandom to cloud my judgment. Anyway, I wrote a novel that rivals Tolstoy's War and Peace in the comments section on one of The Jets Blog's threads, so I figured I'd cut-and-paste it here, with some editing of course.

My post breaks down as follows: I separated the offense and defense, analyzed both, and gave them a win total that I think the respective units bring to the table. I guess the best comparison would be someone looking at the Rams offense after they got Marshall Faulk and saying "Now this has the makings of a Super Bowl winning offense". The only difference is that I'm saying something more like "Now this has the makings of an 8-8 offense".

[I am posting about a Jets Blog blogger's] comments regarding his inability to see “this offense” getting less than 5 wins. I think his question requires a time machine, taking this year’s offense and plopping it on the field with last year’s defense and last year’s schedule. I don’t think that the offense has improved so drastically (on paper) that they’re automatically a win better. Sure, improvement is LIKELY b/c the LG and RT play was so horrific last year, and in fact more than a 1 win improvement is likely based upon that upgrade and adding a chip like Keller. Its just not automatic in my book. Everyone talks about how getting another break or two might’ve had the JETS at 8 wins last year… but losing another break or two (the Dolphins game I was at when the ‘Phins almost came back and the worthless Chiefs game at the end of the year), and they’d have been 2-14, so I disregard those statements. Teams with good records always seem to have good luck (like the Pats during their previous Super Bowl runs that predated all the current star power [please, trust me I know how good Brady, Seymour, et al were, but they took it to another level with last year’s additions]). In other words, I don’t think that last year’s offense was an 8-8 offense that got unlucky and went 4-12. I think last year’s offense was anywhere from a 2-14 to a 5-11 offense that went 4-12. We did add the best OG in football to fill our weakest spot on the O-Line, and we did add a potential playmaker in Keller (lets consider Faneca, assuming health, to be an automatic star player)… Keller’s contribution and development is no guarantee, so its fully possible that we have last year’s offense plus an elite LG, and a 50/50 shot at a healthy Coles (just like last year).

If I were a fan with a sunny disposition, I’d consider Keller to be a likely instant go-to guy as a 3rd option/check-down option who comes down with 50 catches, many of which are in key spots, a fully healthy Coles for 16 games, the continued development of D’Brick (Mangold is already awesome and will definitely benefit from Faneca so I’m not worried about the C position), Damien Woody is actually not only decent but very good at RT, and Kellen Clemens, with protection and an improved running game, shows off his arm… but not in a pre-Super-Bowl-run-Eli-Manning way (throwing for a ton of TD’s and yards but throwing a ton of picks and constantly making key mistakes at the worst time), but in a 2006 Drew Brees mold (efficient, great yardage, decent TD-to-INT ratio).

Thats a lot of things working out perfectly all at the same time and I cannot say its likely to be the case that all of the above variables work out perfectly for the JETS. Most likely, out of the above “sunny disposition” predictions, I’d say its most likely that Keller does pan out as a decent receiving threat in his first year, making some plays but taking a while to adjust, finishing with a “good year” in the 3rd WR/TE/H-Back role with 30-40 catches (if things work out perfectly and/or Coles gets hurt per usual, I can certainly see him grabbing 50); Faneca (assuming health) is awesome; Mangold continues his ascension to being a Pro Bowler; D’Brick continues to be average but makes less horrible plays where he is tossed around like a rag doll; Woody is a fat waste of space and doesn’t have the feet to play even RT; and Clemens — in his first really fair chance to play in front of a compentent team — shows off his arm strength, throwing for a lot of yards and a good amount of TD’s… but also a good amount of INTs. At best, I see Clemens having an Eli-Manning type year (and yes, I'm referring to Eli's career before the final game of the year against the Pats and forward from there). I don't think Clemens has that kind of cap to his potential, but this will be his first year with competent players around him, so I don't expect magic. Thomas Jones will get better because the O-Line is better (even a fat, slow and useless Woody is an upgrade), and the JETS are good enough on offense to be an average team, maybe even get a Wild Card spot at 10-6 if the defense improves.

By the way, for the record, I’m MUCH more optimistic about DRASTIC improvements on defense. I LOVE the way Harris and Revis turned out; I count Kerry Rhodes as a Pro Bowler the past 2 years and he’ll be there in the future; Kris Jenkins was the EXACT type of guy they needed but didn’t come close to having; there are a bunch of guys competing for the #2 slot, and even having Poteat there doesn’t mean you can’t be a very good defense (though it’ll be a weak spot); while I don’t think they’ll all pan out for next year, its fair to say that in all likelihood, 2 out of the 3 of Gholston, Pace and Bryan Thomas will be good-to-very good OLB’s next year, and Gholston may have some Merriman-like-pass-rushing ability; I think that Sean Ellis is underrated by most JETS fans (though far from ideal for the 3-4 defense); and I think that Coleman is serviceable at DE.

So while I think the offense might be an 7-9 to 9-7 offense, I think the defense is a 9-7 to 10-6 unit. I know its weird to think this way (separating the two), but thats my analysis of these units. This makes 10-6 a possibility, but as I've said many times before, if you put a gun to my head and made me guess the JETS record this year, I'd say 8-8; I'd certainly say 7-9 before I said 10-6 with my life on the line!

So you see, I’m not always doom and gloom.

Now THIS is funny

2008-05-30T11:24:00.003-04:00

A previously undiscovered Amazon tribe was photographed, and the accompany picture to the article is hysterical:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24880941/

What would you do if you stumbled upon a never-before-discovered race? How would you gain their trust? It's not like you can bring them some beers or some liquor and start drinking. If they're trying to shoot down a plane with arrows - what would they do to a human intruder on foot?

Dear Dan Martin: TJ's Role is NOT in Jeopardy!!!

2008-05-30T10:24:00.002-04:00

Dan Martin of the New York Post apparently thinks the JETS' offseason additions of Jesse Chatman and former Raven Musa Smith puts Thomas Jones' role as the feature back in jeopardy (http://www.nypost.com/seven/05292008/sports/jets/jones_puts_jets_future_on_the_line_112926.htm).

This is a shamefully stupid assertion. Sure, TJ averaged a paltry 3.6 yards per carry and managed only 1 rushing touchdown all year, but this can hardly be put entirely on his shoulders. Every JETS fan remembers quite vividly the whole Pete Kendall disaster, and the way management seemed to allow their egos (and a failure to recognize the importance of the OG position its due credit, an issue for another day and another post) to be the determinative factor on a question that wound up being key to the failure of the running game in 2007.

Kendall's presence clearly raised the level of play of future Pro-Bowler Nick Mangold and potential-flop D'Brickashaw Ferguson. Without him, the JETS desperately attempted to replace him with late-round draft pick (one who is clearly a project at best), Jacob Bender from Norfolk State and Adrian Jones. It was a nightmare; one which was only exacerbated by poor quarterback play and the lack of a homerun threat. They have realized the error of their ways and have doled out mega-deals to Alan Faneca (great signing) and Damien Woody (umm, okay) to plug their holes on the O-Line.

Despite the fact that defenders were getting through the line like "nectar in a sieve" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nectar_in_a_Sieve), TJ still managed to finish with 1100+ yards. During the 2005 and 2006 seasons with Chicago, TJ had 1335 and 1210 rushing yards, respectively. This was with 8 men in the box on nearly ever single traditional rushing down (lets not forget that his QB in Chicago was Rex "ewwwwww Gross"-man).

I'm certainly not TJ's biggest fan, and he is more of a power runner than a game-breaker (the JETS' haven't had a true play-maker in recent memory, if at all in the past decade), but the guy is an effective power back, especially when he has a decent O-Line, like in Chicago.

I leave you with a YouTube clip of a beautiful stiff-arm by TJ against the hapless 'Phins: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-Q3cGgSuorU .

Friday Morning News & Weekend Outlook

2008-05-30T10:02:00.002-04:00

Good morning all. Currently 73 degrees in the tri-state area, sunny with a good outlook for the day, however showers and thunderstorms moving in later tonight and lasting into tomorrow.

News for today:

1.) Britney Spears is still unfit to appear in a courtroom.

2.)The Lakers beat the most uninteresting team in sports 4-1 and will now await the winner of the Celtics and the second most uninteresting team in sports series. Really too close to call on who people could care less about, however the potential Lakers - Celtics finale would make for an interesting discussion. Do you root for alleged rapist and all around modest, selfless guy Kobe Bryant or do you root for the team from one of the most obnoxious sports fan areas in the United States?

3.) Stonehenge was a place of burial for about 500 years or so beginning as early as 3000 BC.

4.) Less people are taking flights for some reason...hmm might be economic reasons, more on that later.

5.) This just in, there is an impending health care crisis in America according to the AP.

6.) A crane collapsed at 91st and 1st on the Upper East Side of Manhattan this morning. Two days after the city removed the requirement of inspectors being on site for crane movements.

Ok all, thats about it for now. Have a great weekend, hugs and kisses.

China

2008-05-29T15:24:00.002-04:00

In the spirit of recent comments made by Sharon Stone and China's karma re: Tibet - I wanted to see what people think of the upcoming Olympics.

With the shoddy work that the Chinese people put out (crumbling bridges, toxins and chemicals in pet food, in regular food, etc.) - who thinks that at some point in the Olympics, a building, or bridge, or something will crumble, killing or injuring fans watching an event? I mean, there are some rumblings from the Chinese citizens that schools were not made up to "code", thus leading to crumbling easily during that massive earthquake a few weeks ago (uncited - but was from an interview written in a NYT article). And I, personally, don't trust the Chinamen.

I think that a stadium or someplace where spectators are will crumble, or dislodged, or something...

The Joba Debate

2008-05-28T10:06:00.004-04:00

This one has been and will be debated for a long, long time. I'm here to tell you why it is ludicrous to even consider having Joba do anything other than start baseball games.

First and foremost- Joba was scouted and drafted as a starting pitcher. This is what he has done for the majority of his pitching career. The Yankees, like many forward-thinking organizations are very careful with their young pitching prospects. too much money is spent on these guys to have them burn out and fade away. Just ask the Cubs and Kerry Wood/Mark Prior. In light of this, they have put innings limits on all of their young pitchers. Since Joba has been pitching for less time than either Kennedy or Hughes, his limit is much lower. Accordingly, last year, when he was nearing his pitching limit, at around the same time the Yankees need a reliever in the big leagues it killed two birds with one stone. Each year the limits increase by 30-40 innings or so. This year, to keep him on schedule and not blow his limit by August, they start him in the bullpen and eat up a couple months in the pen, but not too many innings. This way he can start the remainder of the season this year and pitch a full season next year. This is the plan. Contrary to what you might hear on the radio, this has always been the plan. Boomer and Carton, you should read the newspaper before you start saying things like "this was never the plan"

OK, so I think it's safe to say I have established Joba is a starter and that's what the Yankees have always envisioned.

Now, is this a good idea?

Absofuckinglutely. The Yankee Dynasty of the mid to late 90's was established on quality starting pitching. Don't you remember those old axioms? i.e.: the Yank's, theres not an All-star on the team, but they keep winning. I do. And now I know why. Their starters were really good. Whats more, since the starters were so good, the bullpen was not overused and overexposed and so David Weathers (!!!) and Graeme Lloyd(quadruple !!!) could be effective and even lauded relief pitchers.

Now you may say "Hey, Mac, its the chicken or the egg" and I will say "fuck you, this is my post." Assuming I grant you that dubious point(which I don't, but for arguments sake...) without Joba, the Yanks have neither plus starting nor a plus bullpen, and the argument for having a plus bullpen while having a bad starting rotation is specious, at best. Joba is the lynchpin: taking him out the bullpen downgrades the bullpen, no question. But, putting him in the rotation allows for better starting pitching and less days where the bullpen has to eat innings. I would rather worry "what are we gonna do with this lead now?" than "fuck, its 14-3 in the second?"

As we have seen for the last several postseasons now, it is all about starting pitching. Becket/Dontrelle; Schilling/Johnson; Beckett/Schilling; Sabathia/Carmona etc. etc. etc. If you can have two frontline guys to throw in a short series, you are cooking with grease. Mariano has been irrelevant the past couple post seasons because there has not been a need for a closer. Which brings me to the favorite rallying cry of Joba to the Penners. (thats what I call them).

Look at Mariano-He was supposed to be a starter and look what happened, hes the best closer ever. You, are correct. He is probably the best closer of all time and will never be duplicated. He is a freak of nature. He is able to repeat that smooth, carefree delivery with such ease and precision that he knows where the pitch will be almost all the time. This is not typical. In terms of closers there is Mo and then there is everyone else. So, trying to catch lightning in a bottle is probably futile.

More importantly however, Mariano did not have all the pitches this guy has. Joba has 4 plus-rated pitches in his arsenal. He is the quintessential Ace starter. He has enough pitches to turn over a lineup several times and can just reach back and throw gas if he needs to.

Finally, you want your best players to play as much as possible. As a starter, he will eventually pitch upwards of 200 innings, as a reliever-80.

If he stinks as a starter there is nothing that says he can't go back into the bullpen. He should be forced to show he can't hack it as a starter rather than never have been given the shot.

Madden NFL 2009

2008-05-28T07:50:00.002-04:00

Its about that time of year, folks. Citizens living in Madden Nation begin to ponder what might be different this year. Has the in-game game play changed? Will the "truck stick" be as effective? What are the "cheap plays" and "cheats" (a/k/a "glitches") in this year's game? (if you recall last year, there was an offensive formation from which you could send the WR in motion, and in so doing, the WR would run into the defensive linemen and cause an offsides penalty... do this 3-4 times, and your opponent gets kicked out of the game... people who did that should be shot on sight). Most importantly, how has my team improved or regressed in the offseason? What will the key players be rated? How about our team's draft picks?

One of my favorite things at this time of the year is to search the internet for "Projected Madden Ratings" or "PMR". These consist of individual bloggers predicting what the members of the incoming rookie class (and sometimes veterans) will be ranked in the new version of Madden.

I'm going to start with some PMR's for the 2008 draft class for my beloved JETS, and explain why this might actually make them usable in Madden '09:

DE/OLB Vernon Gholston: This guy is 6'4", 260 pounds of pass-rushing fury. Blessed with elite speed and athleticism (is reported to have run slightly below a 4.6 in at least one measured 40-yard dash). Since intangibles don't really mean squat in Madden if you're using the guy (except to illogically boost a Madden rating; e.g., Chad Pennington's rating was always high despite poor throwing power and other physical tools because of his intelligence), Gholston could be a gamer. Due to his measureables, it would be safe to say his PMR should be 85 at the very least. Speed, strength and acceleration are key to an OLB's Madden ranking, so an 88 is not out of the question.

WR/TE Dustin Keller: Keller is going to get absolutely KILLED in his PMR due to his size and lack of blocking ability as a TE. However, in "real life", Keller will more likely be a slot receivers and an "H-Back", similar to the way Dallas Clark has been deployed in Indianapolis, as a key check-down option for Peyton Manning over the middle. In addition, it is said that the Jets "reached" for Keller, which is probably true (although they have a proven track record in doing so for players they really want, and don't want to risk losing to the teams in front of them; think Darelle Revis and David Harris). For a TE (and even for a big WR), Keller has elite speed and acceleration. He has hands and incredible toughness. While his final PMR is going to be lower than one might expect for a 1st-round pick, his value in Madden 2009 is going to be off-the-charts as a 3rd receiving option for Kellen Clemens (pray-he is the guy in real life). I'm going to ascribe Keller a PMR of 78 at the low end, 81 at the higher end, due to his lack of blocking ability and the likelihood he'll be listed as a TE rather than a WR.

More to come.

Public Enemy # 22

2008-05-28T00:13:00.002-04:00

Not shown: Hawkins twin/clone anally penetrating his brother/clone as a metaphor for his brother's/clone's disdain for Yankee fans everywhere.

Fuck you sir, fuck you right in the ass.

What is Your Favorite All-Time Concert Experience?

2008-05-27T13:02:00.002-04:00

I thought -- as cultural editor -- that I'd ask our readership and bloggers what their favorite all-time concert experience is.

Mine is as follows:

First place: Bon Jovi, Giants Stadium:

Myself and five friends + their friends/girlfriends departed from the New Jersey home of one of our then-girlfriends. Among our group was a then-Syracuse football player went on to play for the Kansas City Chiefs, and now apparently the Tennessee Titans ( http://www.sportsline.com/nfl/players/playerpage/493718 ). Our group loaded up a rental van with a keg, a funnel and BBQ equipment, and some mossy-looking herbal substance that someone put into a pipe. We partied hard tailgating before going in as the opening band was finishing their set.

Bon Jovi's return to New Jersey was truly triumphant... a most excellent adventure indeed.

Second place: Billy Joel, MSG

Third place: Bruce Springsteen, Giants Stadium

File this one in the "who brought the asshole" file.

2008-05-27T12:00:00.002-04:00

via Deadspin, et al:

This is the most press the Canadian Hockey League will get. ever.

Additional Information on Recent Disturbing Question

2008-05-27T11:10:00.003-04:00

My esteemed colleague, Dr. Kink, recently answered the following question from a reader of his blog, one "Mare", who claimed to have a very unique addiction: http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Medical/CumAddict.htm .

This might be relevant to the analysis of our disturbed poster who posed the controversial question at issue. At least it appears healthy from a dietary standpoint.

Concern and disturbance...

2008-05-27T10:14:00.002-04:00

It started out apparently innocent enough. One of our regular contributors made some comments after the morning news was posted late last week. However, over the long weekend, these comments were analyzed more intensely by our cultural writer and resident MD. It has now been brought to the attention of the administration that contributor "Donny" may very well have been saying that if he had an identical twin brother, that it would not be wrong to perform fellatio on him. Donny then asked for thoughts on this issue. One of our authors recommended testing first. which also brings to light some questions regarding his willingness to engage in sexual acts with an std free duplicate of himself. Thus I post this as today's main morning topic. Its been a long weekend and we all need some light discussion to engage in to get us back on track for the short work week ahead. Good luck and God speed in the exploration of this and whatever other issues arise. Keep it good.

Vince Young just wins [Drinking] Games

2008-05-23T14:36:00.002-04:00

By now we've all seen these pictures but I for one, commend Vince for essentially telling the media to go fuck its collective self. Sure he looks like a tremendous weirdo; hanging out shirtless with other shirtless men in a dingy looking VFW basement, but c'est la vie.

Livestrong, Vince. Livestrong.

Friday Roundtable

2008-05-23T11:44:00.002-04:00

I am a man of great taste and culture. Part of a society's culture, perhaps the most cross-cultural aspect thereof, are various forms of entertainment; "entertainment" being inclusive of music, sports, food, beverage... and I guess clothing (e.g., turbans in India, samarai headbands in the Empire of the Sun, lip plugs in Africa [disgusting, see here http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.ezakwantu.com/Lip%2520Plugs%252032.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.ezakwantu.com/Gallery%2520Lip%2520Plugs.htm&h=350&w=550&sz=49&hl=en&start=5&sig2=1G5ANzcsfnMMOzAcSLfEhQ&um=1&tbnid=SQ9lZg9n0xjxFM:&tbnh=85&tbnw=133&ei=dOg2SPfRKJq6gwL11tG3DQ&prev=/images%3Fq%3DAfrica%2Blip%2Bplug%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN] and (hopefully) short-lived fads and trends (for example, in the United States, there is EMO [see here: http://www.memecat.com/images/memes/emo_boys.jpg] and the Guido phenomenon [www.getoffourisland.com]).

I will be the cultural editor of this blog, speaking on various cultural issues raised by our bloggers, which means just about everything according to my definition of "culture".

As for Sports, Don't-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac recently submitted an article about the "plight" of the Mets and Willie Randolph, pretty much trashing on the Mets. Thats fine, and he admitted to being a Yankees fan. I'd just like to add a little context here for you sports nuts out there:

*The Mets are 22-23; the Yankees being 22-25.
*The Mets are in 4th place (of 5 teams); the Yankees are in 5th (dead last).
*The Mets are 4.5 games back; the Yankees 7.5.
*In a recent, rain-shortened series, the Mets swept 2 games from the Yankees.
*It appears as if the Yankees would have one of the more formiddable lineup/starting pitching combinations in the AL once A-Rod and Posada return... assuming that they traded Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy for Johan Santana, giving them Johan, Wang, Pettite and Rasner in their top-4, and allowing Joba to remain dominant in the 'pen. Hindsight is indeed 20-20, and the monumental offseason decisions aren't paying dividends at this point.

As for the Mets, while not in as dire a position as the Yanks, they're a huge mess right now and they probably need to give Willie the axe, because you can fire the coach, but not all the players (and the GM isn't going to replace himself). There is talent in both the lineup and rotation, and even the bullpen, but things simply aren't working out, and none of the players are playing up to form, with very few exceptions.

As for music, I will defer to Simon, who recognized the first time he heard it that The Plain White Tees' "Hey There Delilah" was a great song. Just kidding! (about the great song part, he did say that, LOL!).

Well......

2008-05-23T10:39:00.003-04:00

Here we are. Blogger has entrusted me with an incredible amount of responsibility. That's right: I'm getting published! I've worked so hard to crack into this business and its really gratifying...oh right, I signed up. Myself. For free.

Anyway, I think I will confine myself to the world of sports, unless something really catches my ire in the real world....and away we go:

Poor Willie Randolph. Seriously. It is my firm belief that he is the victim in this nightmare scenario that has the Mets waffling at .500 baseball. For some strange reason, the New York media was under the impression that this team should run away with the division. I just do not see it. Yes, picking up Santana was a coup. However, aside from Johan, there is not one other reliable pitcher in that rotation. This was the rotation Omar Minaya planned on having to start the season:
1. Johan
2. Pedro
3. Maine
4. Perez
5. El Duque

Riiiiiiiiight.

Now, the lineup. Ehhhhhhh. Reyes is OK, but he is probably one of the most overrated players to come down the pike in a long while. Wright is decent. Beltran is nice. Delgado has been lost for a year and a half and Alou is back in his normal position: DL. Outside of Ryan Church, who has played very well so far: yikes.

So, you tell me how this team was supposed to run away with their division. The New York media is so desperate for the Mets to be relevant that they built this team up, just to bring them down, and mess them around and worst of all.....

Anyway, Willie is getting the shaft because somewhere, someone thought that the team they assembled was supposed to be world-beaters. They are not. They are not a bad team, they are just not the class of the NL like many assumed (for reasons, as explained above, passing understanding).

Full disclosure: I <3 the Yankees. Which, as far as I am concerned, is irrelevant to this discussion.

Half-assed review of new music

2008-05-23T10:20:00.004-04:00

Seems like the last few weeks have been new music time. New music by Weezer - the Red Album, Coldplay - Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs to name a few. I've taken a listen on a good deal of songs, and my thoughts.

Weezer: some songs are great, some are so-so. Their first single is Pork and Beans, and although it reminds me of when Warren is yelling "Franks and Beans, franks and beans..." during a scene which influenced our namesake - it sounds more like Beverly Hills. I'm not much into lyric analyzing, and am more into "what sounds good, acoustically/aesthetically (for the ear) pleasing". So, if someone like me can pick out the obvious rumblings Rivers makes - something about using Rogaine for his head, and asking Timbaland to get a top record - then you know it's his commentary on music today. I frankly don't like it as much, nor do I like their other "bigger" hit, Troublemaker. There is also a song "Thought I Knew", which the first time I heard, did not think it was Weezer. One of the other band members sings vocals...and that has NEVER happened (at least I think) in a Weezer song. It's alright, and probably Rivers trying to give credit and some spotlight to a bandmember, but I could have done without it. I'm a Weezer snob, whatever. Finally, my favorite songs thus far that I have listented to - Dreamin', and The Greatest Man that Ever Lived. Dreamin' is great...just catchy and the quintessential Weezer la-de-la type of song. And, the Greatest Man that Ever Lived is pretty great too...take a listen.

Next up: Death Cab. Some of the songs are good, some are so-so. I don't really like their first single, I Will Possess Your Heart. Notwithstanding the fact that he wants to possess your heart, it's just a hard listen, in my opinion. The radio version is 3 minutes, while the original album one is like 8. Only because the album version has a 5 minute guitar intro. Which is great I'm sure if you are stoned and want to just listen to chill, stoner music...but not for me. The songs that do stand out in my eyes, are No Sunlight - which is just damn catchy, sorta like The Sound of Settling - and Long Division (another upbeat song that sounds like Sound of Settling) and Your New Twin Sized Bed. Grapevine Fires is pretty good too - but again, something that you need to be in the mood for. All in all, a pretty decent album.

Finally, Coldplay. You know how I know you're...shit, wait. I'm listening to them, and no, Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen, you're totally wrong. Anyway, I've listened to 3 songs from their new album - Violet Hill, Viva la Vida and Lost. The first 2 are absolutely great. Very non-typical-Coldplayish...which is probably why I like it. Lost is more the similar stuff of before, but I haven't really given it too much of a listen to liken it to anything.

So yeah, if you're looking for an analysis of lyrics or whatever, you're in the wrong blog. I don't do that shit. I could barely understand (or even cared to understand) interpretations and analyses of Shakespeare in high school. Why would I do that to lyrics? Which gets me all pissy and is a topic of another post - why losers try to analyze and interpret lyrics. Hip hip hooray dude - you are "connecting" with an artist because you read through his puzzle pieces that he's depressed or came off a breakup or is giddy or something. Shut up already.

The Morning News

2008-05-23T09:59:00.002-04:00

Quick scan of the news and highlights for today and the long weekend ahead:

1. Apparently Senator Hillary Clinton is now offering a few compromise scenarios to Senator Barack Obama in an attempt to end the fight for the Democratic nomination. Scenario 1 involves her accepting an offer from Obama to be his Vice President.

2. Senator John "Father Time" McCain is now distancing himself from Pastor Hagee, a man whose endorsement McCain had previously sought out and accepted in order to shore up the conservative right wing base of the Republican party. Hagee recently commented that Hitler was a hunter who was doing God's work in speeding up the Jews return to Israel.

3. The Indianapolis 500 is happening this weekend if anyone really cares.

4. Drew Barrymore is now set to marry Mac. No word yet if PC will be invited to the wedding.

5. And finally, this just in, you know how I know you're gay? You like listening to Cold Play.

GI Joe

2008-05-22T17:11:00.002-04:00

I loved GI Joe growing up. I'm still growing up, and I love the GI Joe spoofs. Have you seen any of them? Classic. Just classic. Simon and I go way back, and we used to watch the GI Joe spoofs in class. We had watched them so many times that we knew what was being said, in what tone, and to whom. My personal favorite is entitled, "Porkchop Sandwiches". If you haven't seen it, look it up - I'm sure it's on Youtube(r). And blast the volume.

Simon and I always debated who got to play what character. Well, this kid, Mongo...let's say that he was always annointed as the older brother. Then Simon and I fought over who got to play the heroic Porkchop Sandwich guy. The guy who yells "Get the fuck out of here! We're all gonna die...mmm that smells good." Then some (literally) retarded moaning from Mongo's character and our PSA is over.

If you have bothered to follow up until now, you should realize that our class was awful. Awful enough that we pretended - pretended - which character we would be. And Simon is still a tool. Poor guy...

Welcome indeed

2008-05-22T17:04:00.003-04:00

Welcome to the home of This kid, Mongo. As my esteemed colleague Simon says (ha ha) this place is the shiznit.

Let me get the ball rolling and say that I hate Asians. They are awful at driving (look at any metropolitan Chinatown), they make some awfully greasy foods (Chinese), and they get our American people sick with their tainted products. Wait, I guess I hate Chinamen? That doesn't sound too...intellectual or dignified. Because we all know that Simon is the quintessential redneck!

Welcome!

2008-05-22T16:32:00.000-04:00

May 22, 2008...a date which will live in infamy. The birth of the Mongo blog. A place for all (except French Canadians) to come and discuss politics, sports, the weather, their latest sexual encounter, or even favorite cartoon. Its gonna be the world's biggest water cooler. Like your favorite bar with your best buddies suddenly thrown onto the internet. Where all the cool kids are. Everyone's doing it so why aren't you? Happy blogging!